Tuesday, August 25, 2015


To my sister,

As I rock my second baby girl to sleep, I think about you and our mother. You were just a baby when a drunk driver caused your innocent life to end in a most tragic way. I pray you felt no pain and that God's angels quickly swaddled you up to heaven before you suffered.

I think about how unfair it is that we didn't grow up together or that our mother was robbed the chance to raise you.

You would have been my big sister. We would have loved each other's children, teased each other's husbands and cried on each other's shoulders.

I wish it had been me. I would trade places with you if I could to give you more time with our mom. She is amazing. You made her amazing. You gave her the first taste of true unconditional love with your smiles and coos. Though she lost a daughter that horrible day, I gained an incredible mother. She is the strongest woman I've ever met. She is resilient and fearless. She continues to reinvent herself and push the envelope in influential ways. Her love knows no boundaries. Throughout my childhood she always put me first and gave me opportunities she never had despite the trials of being a single mom and the tragedy of losing you.

Your death was not in vain. It has showed me that a mother's love can go on. It has taught me that even in the face of unimaginable loss, we can choose to be a victim or a warrior. Our mother chooses warrior every day that she lives without you.

So thank you sister. Though I never met you, I truly love you. See you soon, but hopefully not too soon.

Monday, August 24, 2015

How to pass as POCHO

If there's one thing I'm pretty experienced at, it's navigating between gringolandia and mi raza.
"Osea," being pocho.

As the racial landscape of our country darkens, for the better, and Latinos become the majority, proving your pocho-ness will become a valuable skill for all gringos, whether Trump likes it or not.

Follow these three simple steps next time you need to pass as pocho. Studies have shown the more pocho you are, the easier it is to get into law school, get that promotion or land that Hollywood role of a lifetime.

#3. Randomly incorporate scenes from the movie Selena into your daily routine.

Sing BIDI BIDI BOM BOM when something goes well at work or when your friend asks you for a favor, yell "Anything for Salinas!"

#2. Add some pocho words to your vocabulary.

Cheated - "Who ordered the tacos?" "Cheated!" (she did)
Chilis - " I live near my mama. Chilis round the corner."
(Courtesy of kappit.com)

And the #1 way to pass as

If your last name is Martinez, pretend it's French and pronounce it Martenes because there's nothing more pocho than trying to pass as French with a big huge nopal on your forehead.

Good luck and may the most pocho win!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Oh baby!

If someone threw me into a boxing ring or an MMA octagon, I wouldn't last one round, much less two. Sure, I'd get a few flailing punches in but after two minutes, I'd probably curl up in the fetal position and sob until they called the fight. But I survived round one of growing our family although there were a few times I curled up in the fetal position and sobbed but I got back up before the ref in my head called the fight.

Now I'm training for round two. By training I mean gaining weight, wearing nothing but leggings, eating shit I haven't eaten since high school, like Taco Bell and McDonald's and let's not even talk about bodily functions.

Okay, let's do.

Nausea - You know that horrible stomach cramping you get with food poisoning that comes with dizziness and headaches? Now imagine that all day every day for weeks on end. Good times!

Vomiting - I hate vomiting, always have. Now I can vomit at the drop of a hat, make dinner, set the table and carry on a conversation with a toddler about Frozen for the one millionth time.

Hunger - When I'm pregnant, hunger takes on a whole new meaning. I get Hannibal Lecter hungry. If I find myself in a meeting and it's been three hours since I last ate, I start making that Hannibal Lecter noise with my tongue and lips. I start eyeing body parts on people and imagining bacon or spare ribs. Yummy!

Sleep - This also reaches a whole new level during pregnancy. I get so tired, I get serial killer tired. If you're talking to me and I want to take a nap, and you keep talking, within five minutes I've come up with twenty ways to kill you so I can go take a nap in my car.

The ironic part of pregnancy is that growing the baby is the easy part. Once the baby is out, the sleep deprivation, constant crying and hormonal imbalances make a girl wish she was still pregnant.

I'm super blessed to be able to continue to grow our family with what will hopefully be a second healthy baby soon. After this round, instead of those oval bumper stickers people place on their cars that advertise 13.1 or 26.2 miles, I'm going to get one that says, BIRTHED TWO HUMANS AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A FREE T-SHIRT.

With love from chunky Yuppie Chicana - gotta go eat now


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