Monday, August 24, 2015

How to pass as POCHO








If there's one thing I'm pretty experienced at, it's navigating between gringolandia and mi raza.
"Osea," being pocho.

As the racial landscape of our country darkens, for the better, and Latinos become the majority, proving your pocho-ness will become a valuable skill for all gringos, whether Trump likes it or not.

Follow these three simple steps next time you need to pass as pocho. Studies have shown the more pocho you are, the easier it is to get into law school, get that promotion or land that Hollywood role of a lifetime.

#3. Randomly incorporate scenes from the movie Selena into your daily routine.

Sing BIDI BIDI BOM BOM when something goes well at work or when your friend asks you for a favor, yell "Anything for Salinas!"

#2. Add some pocho words to your vocabulary.

Cheated - "Who ordered the tacos?" "Cheated!" (she did)
Chilis - " I live near my mama. Chilis round the corner."
(Courtesy of kappit.com)

And the #1 way to pass as
pocho,

If your last name is Martinez, pretend it's French and pronounce it Martenes because there's nothing more pocho than trying to pass as French with a big huge nopal on your forehead.

Good luck and may the most pocho win!

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